The one that was released as the first sequel to Alien

 

Title: Alien 2 aka Alien Terror

What Year?: 1980

Classification: Ripoff

Rating: Dear God WHY??? (1/5)

 

If there’s one thing that has not been a surprise about this feature, it’s that I’ve done a lot of Alien knockoffs. In the course of choosing these movies, I have tried to go for variety. In no particular order, we’ve had an Italian Alien knockoff (Alien Contamination), a Roger Corman Alien knockoff (Forbidden World), a direct-to-video (and good!) Alien knockoff (Deep Space), an insane Alien knockoff (The Falling), and for that matter an Alien “knockoff” that wasn’t really a knockoff (Inseminoid). What we haven’t really had is an absolutely terrible Alien knockoff. For this review, I’m following up on a lead that just might change that. It just happens to be the only movie to be released as a direct sequel to Alien, and boy, is it… Eh, I had a joke, but I already did this joke with Star Trek 3.

Our story begins on clearly present-day Earth, which is the first sign this isn’t so much a “sequel” to Alien as a movie that has nothing to do with a space mission. We do learn of the impending return of a space mission. We also meet our heroine, Thelma, who talks on TV about her enthusiasm for caving (in an interview that for some reason airs in the same time slot as coverage of the space mission. Things take a turn for the worse when the returning spaceship is found empty, and a woman on the breach discovers her daughter’s face is missing, two events that will not be connected with each other or the rest of the movie except by a strange blue rock. This doesn’t stop Thelma from going on another expedition with her husband Roy and friends, one of whom picks up another of the rocks. As they descend into the cave, the rock transforms into an alien creature that multiplies by bursting out of its victims, and of course the party splits up…

Alien 2 was written and directed by Italian filmmaker Ciro Ippolito under the name Sam Cromwell. He exploited a loophole that allowed films to be released as “sequels” in Italy without the consent of the makers of the original film (which previously figured in Zombie/ Zombi 2), as well as a window in which Fox had failed to put “Alien” under trademark. The film was shot at locations in Italy and the US, with the actual Castellana Caves system of southern Italy being used as a principal location. The cast was led by British actress Belinda Mayne, who also had a supporting role in Krull, and exploitation star Mark Bodin. The filmmakers actually won a lawsuit by Fox, but replaced the “sequel” title in English-language distribution. In  an ironic twist, Ippolito would later accuse The Descent of plagiarizing his work.

For my own experiences, I realized I must have heard of this one years ago, but at the time I didn’t sort it out from other knockoffs I had either seen or known about. I finally identified it while doing the research on Alien Contamination, which I had semi-seriously suspected of being the one to rip off the title. (As outlined in that review, the producer Cozzi might have considered something similar.) When I did identify the movie, I seriously debated whether to bother giving it attention. Still, the tale was too intriguing to ignore entirely, so I took a look a few weeks before getting to the current review.

My immediate and almost disappointed reaction was that the production as a whole consistently reaches a high standard of mediocrity. The acting and dialogue are competent, the music (credited to “Oliver Onions”, the name of a Gothic horror writer) is good, and the lighting, camerawork and effects are genuinely impressive. On the other hand, it quickly manifested many of the problems that specifically annoy me. It’s under 90 minutes, but has at least 10 minutes of filler. Clearly English-speaking cast members still sound dubbed. Large chunks of the exposition never match up with what we see later in the film. Most seriously, the creatures simply don’t look like anything, and are largely inert when they do appear.

Any redeeming qualities of the movie come from the use of the cave. The shots of the rock formations establish and enhance the slow, moody style of shooting, which further spares us choppy jump cuts. The characters get a bit of further character development, including hints of a psychic premonition or sensitivity from Thelma. When the first victim collapses, there is very real tension as the rest of the group try to get her to safety. Then, when the key emergence occurs, there is a pan of the immobile body as stately as the passing of the starship Nostromo. The problem is that everything after that is much too hurried to benefit from the painstakingly established atmosphere. Everything from the first appearance of the creatures (clearly many more than can be accounted for from the infected in the party) to the escape of the last few survivors takes place well within 30 minutes. Even the gore gets a short shrift, consisting of a few more characters getting lunched by the creatures, plus one more emergence scene as worthy of Scanners (released the next year!) as of Alien.

For the “one scene”, the only one I can find much to work with is the quite predictable “twist” ending. After fleeing the cave, Thelma and Roy return to the city, only to find things eerily quiet. For no apparent reason, they make their first stop at a bowling alley (which, dear Logos, was introduced earlier). The empty lanes and the sound of the pinsetters is genuinely unsettling. Roy moves out of sight, and suddenly cries out. Thelma calls out desperately as she searches for him, only to retreat. As she runs back and forth, we see Thelma framed in what seems to be a pulsing sphincter within a mass of bloody flesh. What is it? The camera angles are almost all from above, implying something much bigger than anything we’ve seen. Where did it come from? Are we seeing the viewpoint of just one, or a pack of them trying to hem her in? What the Hell is going on??? Nobody involved here cared before, and they certainly aren’t giving us answers now. As the camera finally pans away from Thelma’s tiny, lonely form to the ominous caption, it feels like a threat not of the monsters but another movie.

 

This film was one of the very few times I genuinely wished a movie had been worse than it is, not just because it would have made for an easier review, but because it might actually have made it more enjoyable to watch. I further debated whether giving it the lowest rating (not to mention reviewing it at all) was simply giving it more attention than it deserved. What settled things in my mind is that this one could have been much better, even flat-out good. All they had to do was improve the script, work out a few kinks in the world-building and use some of the filler time for character development. But then that would have meant trying to make a decent movie instead of racing to cash in on a far better one, and if that had happened, I probably would never have bothered to watch it. Touche, “Mr. Cromwell”. At least I can say that I have never been happier to be done with a review.

For links, I recommend a review video from Corrupt Nostalgia, which makes this film sound about as tedious as it is. I also respectfully refer to a kind of good review at Offscreen, which is probably how I sound to most people who saw The Falling. As usual, the concept of the feature, the classifications and rating system are explained in depth in the feature Introduction.