Super Movies! The one Marvel unmovied

 

Title: The Fantastic Four

What Year?: 1993 (post-production)/ 1994 (known showing)

Classification: Unmovie/ Anachronistic Outlier

Rating: Ow, My Brain!!! (Unrated/ NR)

 

One of the realities of writing is that there are always ideas and projects that you don’t get to. One of mine that goes a long way back was to do a series on what I dub “unmovies”, films that aren’t necessarily lost but were willfully censored, suppressed and flat-out dropped from any authorized distribution. At various times, I went through quite a bit of material, and further considered just what would or wouldn’t qualify. But there was one I knew I had to cover sooner or later, and once I thought of this feature, I knew it was going to be the big one. If you are anything like me, you’d know even without looking that I’m talking about The Fantastic Four, Roger Corman edition.

Our story begins with a quick introduction to Reed Richards and Victor Von Doom, two scientists ready to complete their great work. Things go awry, and a doctor announces that Victor has died of severe burns. A time jump later, Richards tries the experiment again, this time in a spaceship with his romantic interest Susan and family members Jonny and Ben aboard. Again, things go wrong, only  instead of being dead or crippled, they acquire super powers. On returning to Earth, they run afoul of authorities who want them confined for study and a conspiratorial clique led by none other than Victor Von Doom, whose reported death proves somewhat exaggerated. While Dr. Doom works on a superweapon with no obvious functionality, the team must come to terms with the transformation, particularly Ben, who has become an ugly rock creature. Add in a beautiful, blind artist and a subterranean villain, and you have a super hero movie worth a million bucks… in ca 1990 dollars.

The Fantastic Four was produced by Bernd Eichinger based on the Marvel comic first published in 1961. The German producer had approached Marvel for the rights to the characters as early as 1983, but did not secure funding until 1992, when chronic offender Roger Corman (see Battle Beyond the Stars, Forbidden World, etc, etc) provided an estimate $1 million to produce the film. While sources then and since speculated whether the film was intended for theatrical or any other release, detailed reports exist of plans for a US premiere, as well as a genuinely impressive “word of mouth” promotional campaign. Shortly before a first showing scheduled in early 1994, an agreement was reached for Marvel to pay for the expenses associated with the film in exchange for its withdrawal from all circulation. Afterward, the very existence of a finished film was sometimes questioned until it became available through “bootleg” tapes. Eichinger produced a new treatment of the franchise in 2005, which led to a 2007 sequel and a “reboot” in 2015. A documentary titled Doomed was also released in 2015, covering the history of the original film.

In hindsight, the most interesting question to emerge from the Fantastic Four movie is whether the comic was relevant or “filmable” in the 1990s or at any other time. The most noteworthy feature of the comic was its positive portrayal of science, an innovative take for a genre where villainous mad scientists were the norm. It was still a relevant and constructive message in the ‘80s and ‘90s, when more “mainstream” media were fixated on the stereotype that intelligent men must be unathletic, uncool and/ or “gay”. By then, however, there were already plenty of balanced depictions of science and masculinity that could have resonated just as well, notably Iron Man. On further consideration, the characters, style and themes of the comic were better suited to animation, which had in fact already produced a mixed bag of treatments. The problem on that front was that there weren’t many good candidates left to handle it outside the Disney hierarchy. If anyone had both the talent and the style for a Marvel animated feature, it was Ralph Bakshi, whose work I have so far taken care to avoid reviewing, and bringing him to an already troubled property would have been like handing Howard the Duck to Paul Verhoeven.

All of that merely brings us back to the movie at hand. What will quickly become apparent is that it has been a Rorschach test, very much on par with the likes of Plan 9 From Outer Space. People either want to say it’s terrible, or find some basis to defend it. In these terms, the contrarians have the better point. Obviously, the movie’s production values are outlandishly low, arguably on a literal Ed Wood level with adjustments for inflation, while the further execution struggles to reach the level of marginal competence. Even so, it manages a coherent and moderately interesting treatment of deceptively complex source material. The characters have clear identities and motivations, their actions including their use of their powers reflect both their personalities and their situations, and the story ends with a resolution to the problems posed in their relationships.

To define the comparative good and inarguably bad in the movie, I’m going straight to the “one scene” a little early, a confrontation between the film’s two villains, Dr. Doom and a subterranean mutant known as the Jeweler. In preceding scenes, the Jeweler stole a giant crystal important to Reed Richards’ research, as apparently intended by Doom, but now the doctor comes to collect it. There’s a decent enough action sequence as Doom and his reasonably capable henchmen plow through the lesser villain’s minions. The moment is somewhat brought down by the delivery of Doom’s dialogue by Benjamin Culp, a clearly competent actor who can’t seem to handle this role without sounding like Rick Moranis as Dark Helmet. Then, in a completely surreal and obviously futile move, the Jeweler seizes the artist, whom he previously abducted in hopes of making her his queen, and uses her as a human shield. Never mind that she means nothing to Doom, never mind that she will certainly be even less receptive after this, there’s still a real tension, if only because Doom seems too surprised to ridicule his adversary.

Meanwhile, the fundamental problem with the movie both in itself and as a marketed property is that it had nowhere to go. There was no way it was going to be taken seriously in theaters in the wake not only of Batman but Terminator 2 and Jurassic Park. It simply didn’t have the money to compete on that level, nor did it have the creative energy that could have put it on the level of cheapies like Killer Klowns From Outer Space (which still had twice its budget). Some might have hoped to go straight to the direct-to-video circuit, except that market was already getting far more competitive, as evidenced by Deep Space and for that matter The Punisher. The one venue where it could have had a chance was as a TV pilot, particularly for a syndicated series, which somebody might have been thinking of. Yet even there, the competition would have been a bit much. It certainly didn’t look as good as The Flash from 1990 or MANTIS from 1994 (does anybody else remember seeing that one?), though those were network shows. It could still have passed muster among daytime and weekend syndicated slots, which had previously supported superhero shows like Superboy and My Secret Identity (still at least equal to this!), except that market was about to get stomped by Hercules, Xena and the cable hand-me-down Outer Limits revival. What the film really feels like is some relic of an alternate history, where people like Corman were trying to make Marvel superhero properties in the 1960s.

That finally brings us again to the question of whether this movie is “good” or “bad”. The real reason I have left this one unrated is because I personally cannot see a fair or accurate frame of reference. As a theatrical release after 1990, it is ludicrously amateurish, and in that context, Marvel’s direct intervention was certainly and completely justified. The counterpoint is that the people who made it must have recognized that on some level, or they would not have taken the money to walk away. In the proverbial final analysis, rating a movie like this is like critiquing a writer for a journal he wrote in secret and ordered burned. If the work’s own creator chose not to let it see the light of day, the blame lies elsewhere if others dig it up and discover it’s not great. Let the blame fall on its time, and let credit go to those who moved on to better things.

The image credit goes to Rusty Staples Comic Blog, which offers a good account of the movie's saga.

Rogues' Roundup: Darkwings!

 

For today, I'm bringing back a feature I haven't done as much with as I expected, dedicated to the true odds and ends of my collection. This time, I have a relatively small group of figures, but it's a bit mixed simply because they were made more than 20 years apart. But first, I should go back to the beginning, which is around 1991. It was the height of the small-screen version of the Disney renaissance, the daytime syndicated package known as the Disney Afternoon. I had already been watching it as long as I had had a TV. They were good, but they didn't blow me away the way other people my age have said, I suppose because I didn't have a frame of reference for what televised cartoons were like before. Then a show came along that really changed the game for me. It was weird, it was wacky, it had no rules and it could be very dark. That was Darkwing Duck, possibly the best cartoon Disney or anyone else had done up to that point, and still unique enough to defy easy comparison with anything else.

Unfortunately, the show went never got the full treatment in terms of toys and merchandise. There was the NES game, which I still play occasionally, a short-lived action figure line even I barely noticed, and some other stuff here and there. It all dropped off the map well before the show was dropped off the air. As with many things '80s and '90s, the show got a break with Funko. In addition to their usual figurines, the company released an articulated and accurately proportioned figure in late 2017 that I picked up quickly enough. It's had a place of honor on my shelves ever since, but it was only recently that I decided to look for more. That brought me back to the original action figure line, and with further bargain hunting I found a lot that I was satisfied would be representative of the toy line and the show's rogues' gallery. Here's some more pics of the new and old Darkwings, with Bossk and IG-88 for reference.

"Suck gas, bounty hunter!"

In brief, the Darkwing Duck toy line was made by Playmates, then riding high with the original TMNT line. The single wave of 8 figures hit stores in 1991, coinciding with the debut of the show. Photos exist of prototypes and samples for a second wave, which would have included Morgana Macawber and Negaduck,  but none are known to have been sold. It will be evident from the photos that the style was large and somewhat stylized, with quite limited articulation for a toy made in the 1990s. Each figure had an action feature/ gimmick, which somebody presumably thought could both justify and make up for the toys' other limitations. The gimmick for DW himself  evidently involved his hat, which has gone missing in the vast majority of specimens in circulation. The next in line from the lot is Launchpad, and he's... weird.

What's obviously off about LP is the stumpy legs. This was clearly intended to keep the figure from towering over the other characters, as he actually does in both Darkwing Duck and Ducktales. Considering the proportions of the rest of the figure, this looks suspiciously like a last minute change after other elements of the design or the actual molds were in place. Overall, he feels like a figure that was made because he had to be made, but he's still interesting. For the gimmick, they settled for a little wheel that turns the head, a little too far around. 

The crown jewel of the lot is Megavolt. While the character never seems to have been the most popular or menacing villain on the show, he was in fact featured in the most episodes. He was certainly memorable, helped greatly by voice work from Dan Castellaneta. What's striking in hindsight is that, while he usually came across as just "wacky", his character is truly and literally psychotic. He would go through the motions of regular antics like robbing banks and taking over the city, but any deeper motivations and long-term objectives were on a mental plane only he could access. He was like Captain Hook crossed with Heath Ledger as the Joker, and he was allowed to be threatening in his sheer unpredictability. The figure certainly remains a decent tribute, with an emphasis on the comical and hints of the madness.

The most interesting thing about the figure is that he comes with no weapons or accessories and has no apparent means to hold one. Instead, he has open and outstretched hands like a wizard casting a spell,  a quite effective pose for one of his electroshock salvos. The design includes some details that didn't really stand out on the the show. The one thing definitely changed is the backpack. Instead of an actual battery, it just looks like a generic high-tech gadget. The gimmick is an old-fashioned flint sparker that lights up the socket on his chest. From casual testing, it currently works about every fifth try, which is probably still better than you would get from an actual electronic toy. Here's a couple more pics.

One more thing is that the line did include a figure of Gosalyn. I found her, usually for a higher price than other figures but not out of reach. However, the figure struck me as awkward and oddly inert, even for this line. It certainly doesn't capture what made the character interesting on the show, which I also found to be true for the handful of other representations out there. For now, I decided I would rather leave a space empty than tarnish a memory. With that, I wrap this up. As always, more to come!

Super Movies! The one with the bad guy from The Fugitive

 

Title: The Punisher

What Year?: 1989 (European release)/ 1990 (US direct-to-video release)

Classification: Runnerup

Rating: That’s Good! (4/4)

 

For this week, I decided it was time again to do something new, and I had already been brewing an idea. In the course of my other reviews for Space 1979, I have already covered a few comic book/ superhero movies, including at least one notorious enough that some people seem to have forgotten there was a comic book. But I had also thought of or actually viewed quite a few more that just didn’t fit with what I was trying to do. That particularly included several that are going to account for the opening entries, a group of 1980s-early ‘90s productions that never had a US theatrical release and in some cases were treated even more unkindly. Compared to these, it turns out that Howard the Duck and Dr. Mordrid were the remotely sane ‘80s comic book properties, and the studios knew it. One of my first decisions was to keep the revised Revenant Review rating, because while I really don’t expect to be hitting the bottom of the barrel by Space 1979 standards, I will certainly be in territory where an “unrated” category is warranted. The first exhibit will be the first inkling why.

Our story begins with a mobster released from prison, while news non-personalities discuss a wave of homicides by a vigilante named the Punisher. Naturally, the newly freed gangster is the next victim, as a platoon of reporters watch. We then meet a gangster trying to consolidate an alliance among his underworld peers, and a cop who insists the Punisher is his former partner, Frank Castle. When the Punisher gets word of a major drug shipment through a washed up actor with no obvious credibility, he arrives to discover that the local gangsters have already had their goods stolen by a crew of ninjas, sent by a yakuza boss ready to make her own play. The vigilante is ready to stay on the sidelines, until the yakuza lady starts kidnapping the children of mob leaders. The Punisher goes on the warpath, but gets arrested before he can free the last of the children, none other than the son of the arch villain who killed is family. The gangster offers him a chance at freedom, in exchange for aid in a daring raid on the yakuza headquarters. It’s a race against time, and if they win, they will still have to face each other!

The Punisher was produced by New World Pictures, the production company of Roger Corman, which also acquired the rights to The Fantastic Four. (Needless to say, I’ll be getting to that one…) It was one of two movies directed by Mark Goldblatt, a prolific editor and production assistant best known for work with Corman alumnus James Cameron on the Terminator franchise. The movie starred Dolph Lundgren, known for Rocky IV and the live-action He Man movie, with a supporting cast that included Lou Gossett, Jr. (see Jaws 3) as Castle’s ex-partner and Jeroen Krabbe of The Fugitive as the mob leader Franco. Barry Otto, son of Miranda Otto of Lord of the Rings, appeared as the Punisher’s informant Shakes, and Stan Lee made a cameo. A US release was planned in 1989, the same year as Tim Burton’s Bat Man. In fact, it was theatrically released in West Germany and elsewhere in Europe in late 1989, but only made available in the US as a “direct to video” release, except for a single showing at an LA comic convention. This has been blamed on unrelated financial problems for New World, which went into bankruptcy before a 1990s revival. Some sources date the video release as late as 1991, but a tape in my possession has a copyright date of 1990 as well as an ad for the Punisher NES game released that year by LJN.

For my personal experiences, I first encountered the Punisher character as a frequent guest star in the Spider Man comics. I was definitely never taken with the character, though I did appreciate how different he was in a Marvel lineup still dominated by heroes with as much moral ambiguity as a recruiting poster. It’s a further and telling irony that, while the “modern” MCU has rebooted the character at least once, nobody has tried to put him in a movie with any other character, making him perhaps the last “standalone” Marvel property. I have further recollections of playing the game, but can’t recall hearing anything about the movie until well into college. I finally got to it about the time Spider Man 3 would have been hitting the theaters, also after seeing the 2004 version. It struck me first and foremost as the first movie I had seen that truly feels like a Marvel comic book, especially of ‘80s/ ‘90’s. Of course, that is not purely a compliment, though it certainly is a major reason I rate it as highly as I do.

Having said all of this, I still haven’t really gotten to the movie itself. This is indeed one time I feel at a loss to say much about individual scenes, and that is perhaps its best quality. Just as a comic book isn’t meant to keep the reader dwelling on one panel, this movie moves smoothly from one scene to another under its own strange yet functional internal logic, along. In the process, there is a sense of evolution, beginning with the Punisher’s first altercations with the local mob and flashbacks to the demise of his family. One also gets a sense of what Lundgren brings to the role, which is to sound vaguely introspective and almost but not quite drunk. Things get in high gear as soon as the actual ninjas show up, which in itself is sure to sound absurd to anyone reading this without having seen the movie, but it absolutely works. These are comic book ninjas, and all the more effective for it, uniformly and competently lethal while remaining thoroughly subordinate to the ice queen who commands them. It is the yakuza boss, played by American-born Kim Miyori, who truly makes the movie in her few key scenes, with all the melodramatic gloating of a comic baddie plus a genuinely terrifying sadistic streak.

Even in this smorgasboard of absurdities, the finale stands tall. It begins with a few lucky twists and near misses as the Punisher and the mob boss infiltrate a high-rise building, in the process establishing a setting that seems to combine the feudal with sleek modernity. The minions likewise prove to have a combination of traditional and modern weapons, initially leading to a disastrous rout when a room full of katana-wielding fighters fare as badly as should be expected. However, enough survive to make a series of counterattacks, including the incongruously blonde adopted daughter of the boss. It all comes down to a three-way showdown between the ice queen, the mafia boss and the Punisher for the fate of a kid we’ve seen enough of to like, with enough pathos to match the generous action-movie cheese.

After all that, I still haven’t gotten to the “one scene”. In fact, the one that truly satisfies me is an early moment I have already mentioned, when the Punisher kills a newly freed gangster and a few henchmen in his own house. The assassination itself is routine fare with some nice touches, notably a closeup of the Punisher’s boot as he climbs in the window and a goon who gets surprised in what looks like a miniature hall of mirrors. What makes the scene are the reactions when a group of reporters gathered outside realize something is amiss. They rush in even before an explosion guts the house for no obvious reason, then pause when they see the slain gangster on the porch and the Punisher standing in the doorway behind him. The commentary throughout sounds like soldiers under attack, except instead of directing return fire and calling for air support, they’re calling for closeups and complaining when a second blast gets soot on their lenses. It’s a comical yet chilling picture of the media, unfortunately almost entirely isolated within the movie.

In closing, I can only return to my initial reaction: This is truly the benchmark for most “comic book” of all comic book movies. In those terms, the most significant competition I can think of would be Into The Spiderverse and Tank Girl. (Yes, there was a comic, and yes, I have it under consideration.) Whether this makes it a “good” movie is obviously another question. It’s certainly one of the very best Marvel-based movies to come around pre-Spiderman, though as we will see, that’s not saying much for quality or quantity. It’s also well above average for a vintage action movie, with more genuine emotional depth than plenty of self-styled “serious” movies. (Lethal Weapon, I will find a way to take you down.) That still might not be very good, but it at least makes for a film worth remembering… as if you could see it and still have a choice.

Legion of Silly Dinosaurs: Jurassic World/ W@lmart dinos

 

For the weekend post, I felt like doing a dino post, and it happens I had a new acquisition plus one more I had from not too long ago. It also brings us forward to the present, which is a good thing, because there's plenty of new stuff that's silly as well as stuff that's actually good. The present entries are by my own reckoning a little bit of both. Here's another pic of the pair.

"Well, I was in Jurassic Park 3...."

The newcomer and the most interesting is the hadrosaur, sold as Edmontonosaurus in the Jurassic World line. What got me interested is that he's sculpted in a quadrupedal stance, which is the way modern reconstructions have leaned for a long time.  The head is also pretty well-done, with some nice touches on the colors. The body is comparatively plain and a bit chunky, but you can't have everything. Here's some more pics with Bossk and the Truckstop Queen.

"Can you say no to that face?"

The extra gimmick with this one is that he has a sound feature that's been standard for a long time, as well as a more traditional motion feature where the head moves if you pull the tail. Unfortunately, the two are interconnected, so that a light touch on the head or tail will set off a very loud roaring sound. Another downside is that the dino doesn't easily switch to a bipedal stance. From limited experimentation, it has to be four on the floor or all the way back to be stable. Here's a pic to show just how awkward it looks.

"Please let me in, I promise I'll be good..."

The other is a Ceratosaurus, one of my all-time favorite dinosaurs, inexplicably neglected in movies and toys. I picked him up at the local Walmart last year. It's well-detailed, as would be expected for the line. The sculpting is a little "generic", which is a recurring problem with how this very unique dinosaur is portrayed and perceived. Still, it gives some sense of its more unusual features, including a spiny back and proportionately large teeth. He has snapping jaws plus the sound gimmick, which at least only activate if you press a button toward the back. Here's a few pics of him.

It's easier to keep him standing up this way than on his own.

"I wanna hug!"

All in all, these are some of the nicer dinos available, and a good indicator of how far things have come. They're certainly bigger and more detailed than the original JP line, though still smaller and less play-worthy than the Definitely Dinosaurs. In terms of overall realism, they probably have about as many flaws as things like the Marx dinosaurs, except the flaws are subtle enough to stand out only to those who study paleontology. As with all things, it's two or three steps forward and one step back. And we can't wrap this up without a lineup pic.

That's all for now, more to come!

Space 1979: The one with a cool ship

 

Title: The Shape of Things to Come aka H.G. Wells’ The Shape of Things to Come

What Year?: 1979

Classification: Knockoff

Rating: For Crying Out Loud!!! (2/5)

 

After five months and almost 50 reviews doing this feature, I’ve had enough time to look back on what I’ve done versus what I thought of when I first considered it. If there’s been a surprise, it’s that I still haven’t done that many really low budget movies, though that was one thing that wasn’t a priority. I planned to do knockoffs, ripoffs and “runnerups”, and I could have predicted in advance that many of these would be at least in the middle ranks for money and talent. The real bottom of the barrel would be the ones that weren’t even getting general release by the period in question, the foreign films, the no-budget “independent” movies and the direct-to-video releases. For this review, we’re really getting into that territory, and the big surprise is it took me this long to get to it. With that, I introduce The Shape of Things to Come.

Our story begins in the tomorrow after tomorrow, which a long text crawl tells us is the  aftermath of a robot revolt that left much of the Earth uninhabitable. We go to New Washington, a colony on the Moon that looks as exciting as an office building. Things pick up when they detect an incoming ship on what proves to be a kamikaze attack, which the staff respond to like a pedestrian who didn’t wait for the walk sign. In the aftermath, they realize the attack was engineered by Omus, a renegade ruler of a distant colony that supplies a vital antiradiation drug. When Omus demands that he be made dictator of the known galaxy, the surviving authorities are helpless except for the Starstreak, an advanced ship that looks like a cross between the Enterprise and a Y-Wing. The inventor of the ship (I think) gathers a motley crew of his son Jason, a lady friend named Kim and a reprogrammed robot for an expedition to stop his former student. Their one chance is to join up with a group of rebels and defeat Omus’s army of very slow-moving robots, before he blows up the planet and its supply of pharmaceuticals for… collector value???

H.G. Wells’ The Shape of Things to Come was made in Canada by Astral Films, part of what would become the nation’s leading media conglomerate, for a presumably non-trivial budget of 3.2 million Canadian dollars. Its full/ official title referred to an H.G. Wells novel that was in no way related, possibly to ride a wave of Wells adaptations that also included The Food of the Gods, Empire of the Ants and The Island of Dr. Moreau (actually good). Its top-billed actors were Jack Palance as Omus, Barry Morse of Space: 1999 as the inventor Caball, and Carole Lynley of The Poseidon Adventure as the rebel leader Nikki. The cast member most likely to be familiar t anyone reading this is Anne-Marie Martin as Kim, who costarred as Dori Doreau on the TV series Sledge Hammer and in the cult movie The Boogens, and was married to Michael Crichton (see Futureworld).

My experience with this one started with a near-blind digital rental about 5 years ago. What made an immediate impression at the time was the very good effects for the Starstreak, which looks good enough for Star Wars or Trek and makes a fair amount of sense to boot. I especially liked the detachable landing module, which I suppose reminds me of the “Spaceman Spiff” ship. It was not lost on me that the rest of the production was not up to par. Still, when I finally got to watching it for this review, it was a very harsh surprise just how bad and wonky this is. The first and most representative part of this rude awakening is the opening theme, which the apparently distinguished Paul Hoffert apparently willingly put his name on, and is quite possibly the single most ‘70s thing I’ve seen in the course of this feature. And I already reviewed Phase IV, Zardoz and Space Mutiny.

Of course, the first thing to address about this movie is whether it’s a Star Wars ripoff/ knockoff. I don’t completely agree with this, but only because it’s a bit like saying Star Wars was ripping off 2001. Obviously, the crew hoped to reproduce Star Wars’ success, but their most immediate influences lay in other directions, most obviously with Dr. Who and other British science fiction. Unfortunately, this mostly shows in the clunky and cheap costumes and robot/ creature effects, which really can’t even be excused by the budget given that Star Wars only cost 3 to 4 times as much and Zardoz actually cost less. The real budget problem is surely Palance, who seems so accustomed to coasting along on Shane that he doesn’t even bother to chew the scenery.

If there’s any redeeming feature to the movie, it’s the relatively good acting and dialogue among the main characters. This serves mainly to establish a sense of earnest sincerity that sometimes helps. Even here, things are uneven. Martin is charming, while the robot is impressively enthusiastic, as long as he isn’t trying too hard to be “cute”. Things get wonky between the inventor and his son, whom I literally didn’t know were supposed to be related until the end of the movie. Again, Palance as Omus is the weak link. He only comes into contact with the other characters in the final scene, and that short time is enough to feel like the actor is trying to justify himself through the character. He starts trying to impress his former mentor with a plan that will clearly harm him more than anyone else (and spoiler, it’s never stopped). He then moves on to trying to torture his adversaries seemingly for little more than an admission of his greatness, all while wearing the surreally laughable helmet. Finally, we get an obviously unplanned pratfall, like a thunderbolt from the gods to remind him how much he wasted his talent.

For the “one scene”, I had to cover the movie’s big battle scene, between the rebels and Omus’s bots in an open field on the surface of the planet. It is here that the movie reaches the point of laughable incompetence, except that it actually musters a bare minimum of logic to set it up. The robots have no apparent armament except their unimposing metal claws, while the rebels are literally equipped with clubs and sticks. The bots at least prove genuinely durable, absorbing almost everything except electrical shocks that seem to incapacitate them. But it’s all like watching children try to bring down a knight in full armor. The bots hold their ground only by being slightly less ineffectual than their opponents. When Omus cuts in, it’s a merciful reprieve, and from Palance, that’s saying something.

Of all the movies I have considered for this feature, this is one of about three that I seriously considered disqualifying as too incompetent to be of further interest. (The others are Space Mutiny and one more I still haven’t decided on.) Yes, it’s bad, technically and by almost any other standard, maybe even as bad as Inseminoid if not nearly as unpleasant. Still, there’s something more to it than just a Star Wars cash in, even if the filmmakers themselves don’t quite figure it out. If you can get past the wonky pacing, there is a genuine sense of wonder here, albeit a misguided one. If you can’t quite get there, you can still laugh at the robots and Jack Palance getting clonked. And if that doesn’t sound like a pitch, what the Hell are you doing here?

For links, the image credit goes to Space 1970. See also Canuxsploitation and Brandon's Cult Movies for actual Canadian takes on the movie.

Movie Mania! The Dragonslayer novel

 

When I first thought of this as a separate feature, there was one thing I had in mind that I haven't really gotten to until now, and that is movie novelizations. I can't really say when I first got interested in this area. Of course, I always loved to read, and I went a long time without regular access to TV or home video. Yet, I can't recall seeking out movie novels until quite a bit later. What quickly fascinated about such things was that the books could not only go into greater depth than the movies, but often went in different directions entirely. I would figure out that this was mainly because of how movies get shot and edited, but reasons never greatly concerned me. I liked movie novelizations, sometimes as much as the movies, and I got in the habit of picking them up when I had the chance. My pick for one of the very best (really only behind the Orson Scott Card novelization of The Abyss) is the present selection, which also happens to be the one that deviates most heavily and frequently from the movie.

Going to the movie side, Dragonslayer was a 1981 fantasy film made by Paramount and Disney. It was part of a wave of early 1980s big budget fantasy films, and with an $18 million budget against a $14.1M gross, it was possibly the most expensive failure among them after Krull. The movie received favorable critical attention, notably from Roger Ebert, who described it as "a movie with the courage to be grungy". The stop-motion creature effects by ILM's Phil Tippett, just off Empire Strikes Back, received especially favorable attention. The movie continued to receive favorable attention from fantasy writers and critics, and has long since reached cult status. There was a bit of further drama over its early 2000s DVD release, which was criticized harshly enough that many deemed the aging VHS tapes better. Fortunately, the movie is now available as streaming, including on Amazon Prime, where it ended up after I already paid money for it.

Unfortunately, the same can't be said of the novel, though if anything, it's fared somewhat better than average for a literary genre that's usually treated as disposable as toilet paper. It was written by Wayland Drew (1932-1998), a reasonably accomplished genre writer active mainly in the 1970s and 1980s. He was known for original fantasy that centered on ecological and anthropological themes. He also wrote several more movie novelizations, including 1988's Willow. Unusually, Dragonslayer was made available both in paperback and hardcover, both from Del Rey. Here's a few more pics of what you get with the hardcover.

For my personal experiences, I first saw the movie in junior high. During college, I ran across the novel in paperback, which I read just enough of to regret not buying it back then. It was probably a little later that I bought my own copy on VHS, as I recall after seeing the DVD in stores and learning of its notoriety. It was only in the last year that I finally ordered it online. I very quickly decided that it was even better than I could have known from my brief reading long ago.

It's hard to describe the novel or how it differs from the movie without going into a much longer review. I must say as part of this that the movie has never exactly been a favorite. A lot of things rub me the wrong way then and now, including the borderline anti-religious tone. What keeps it watchable and admirable are Tippett's effects, followed by John Hallam's performance as the villain Tyrian (see also Flash Gordon). By comparison, the book starts with a quite nuanced introduction to the various characters, including a more poignant backstory of the hero Galen and his master Ulrich. The book quickly follows with a vivid picture of the various settings, from Ulrich's crumbling castle to the dragon's lair. Even the princess becomes marginally less annoying.

Things really take off when the novel gets to the arrival of Vermithrax the dragon. While the movie is never completely clear when this is supposed to have happened, the book definitely seems to place this further back. It is specifically stated, "There were men in (the) Urland villages who claimed they could recall hearing their grandfathers say that their grandfathers had witnessed the coming of the dragon...." This leads into the already familiar setup of the lottery for feeding the dragon, only carried out so long that rationales are muddled or half-forgotten. There are some darkly amusing passages revealing that the choice of a maiden doesn't seem to matter that much if at all. Then a scene that is a dream sequence in the movie is drawn out into the actual offering of a victim, complete with a tragic connection to one of the main characters.

Then there is the section that kept the novelization in my mind, the big faceoff with the dragon using the superweapon Sicarius. The book is so big on worldbuilding that even the lance gets a lengthy backstory (barely recognizable from what's seen in the movie), and it's impressively grim.  Then, in the midst of the battle, the narration reveals Vermithrax's recognition and fear of the weapon, followed immediately by single-minded determination to destroy it along with the hero. There is even a sense of Sicarius's point of view, in which it is hidered more than helped by the hero wielding it, that makes the outcome more heart-wrenching.

With that, I'm wrapping this up. It will suffice to say that this is one of the most amazing artifacts I've run across in the course of my collecting. It's certainly worth the cost of acquiring it, though that might change if the word ever really gets out about how good this is. I for one hold out some hope that this book finds its way to ebook format. At least we still have the source material with us. I just might watch it myself.

Revenge of the Revenant Review 13: The one with zombies and a generic alien

Title: Creature

What Year?: 1985

Classification: Knockoff/ Mashup

Rating: For Crying Out Loud!!! (1/4)

 

When I (re)started this feature in October, one thing I knew going in was that I wasn’t going to be able to cover everything I had in mind. My decision as to focus on the ones I found most unusual and significant, and that meant making some hard decisions even when I was in the process of viewing the movies under consideration. As a follow up, I decided to cover a few more that I was considering all along. The first up is the one that gave me the closest call, to the point that I made the last-minute substitution after viewing it. Still, after a little further thought, I decided this one belonged here rather than elsewhere. With that, I present Creature.

Our story begins with a brief introduction to an ill-fated expedition to the moons of Saturn, including a glimpse of a cool space station that is promptly smashed by an out-of-control ship. We then meet another expedition, sent to discover the fate of the first. On landing, they soon discover a single survivor. He recounts the discovery of something like an abandoned alien zoo or museum, which he compares to a butterfly collection, but, “Some  of these butterflies were not too friendly.” The reawakened organism proves to be a large and stealthy creature that can reanimate its victims with smaller parasites. But the revived are not just mindless drones, but seemingly intelligent and able to retain or access the host’s original memories and personality. The dwindling group of survivors must figure out who is infected and find the weakness of the monster before it finishes them off.

Creature was directed and cowritten by William Malone, under the title The Titan Find. The cast included Wendy Schaal (featured in Joe Dante’s Innerspace) as the heroine and Klaus Kinski as the survivor Hans. The monster design was undisputedly based on Alien, though it included visible eyes. The film was distributed by Trans World Entertainment, also responsible for Deep Space, under the title Creature for its US release. It had a very successful VHS release, which made it well-known and remembered even among those who had not seen it in the 1980s-90s era. DVD and digital releases were based on direct transfers from the VHS release, reflected in a full-frame format. In 2013, Malone released his own cut of the film in widescreen format. This was reportedly halted by a threat of litigation from MGM, which claimed the rights to the film, along with further plans for a Blu Ray release.

Like quite a few people, my experience with Creature began with seeing it in the video stores. I mostly noticed the picture of the monster in the box art, which I always thought looked like a moray eel. (The image here is from a Spanish language blog.) By my usual uncanny recollections, it was still on the shelves for a very, very long time, certainly into the late 1990s and maybe after 2000. I finally watched it through Netflix streaming, and liked it well enough. A while after that, I picked it up on a used DVD from the early 2000’s. The disk then sat on my shelves literally for years before I got to it for this review. I thought of reviewing it initially and very early for Space 1979, but still put it off until I had already decided to bring back the Revenant Review from my old blog. I finally watched it with the intention of including it in a list of zombie movies I covered for Halloween, but I found enough issues with it that I stretched definitions to review An AmericanWerewolf In London instead. At that point, I seriously considered putting it back in the Space 1979 lineup, but I felt like I had already forced my own hand. It simply had to be here, if I was going to cover it at all.

The main thing I can say about this movie is that it’s deceptively unremarkable, and that was the central problem in deciding where it belonged. The production values are just high enough to make it feel like it belongs in the 1960s rather than the 1980s. The space suits in particular look straight out of 2001 (which I still haven’t seen!). The actors are competent, but most of the characters are just bland. This is especially noticeable with Beth, who is spunky and reasonably smart, but more like Lambert than Ripley. The exceptions are Hans and Amazon-stereotype Melanie, played by Diane Salinger, but that does not improve matters. Their roles are outrageously exaggerated and acted accordingly, colliding like the Alien and the Predator in a series of surreal and clearly one-sided flirtations. The “creature” itself is entirely underwhelming. In the shots where we can see the damn thing, it just looks cheap and awkward, further hindered by a particularly severe lack of agility already common to Alien knockoffs.

Against this background, the zombie element is what keeps the movie interesting enough to watch or remember. The premise of a possessing parasite is not especially novel, though the movie covered it ahead of Night of the Creeps and The Hidden. What is unique is that these revenants are able to pass muster among the living, at least for a while. This allows some further nuances of behavior. One of the first hides the parasite with a bandage, while another spares Beth long enough to carry as a human shield. As a further consequence, the infected seem brainwashed more than zombified, though none of them are looking fresh by the end. The problem is that the story never explains or develops the concept, or does much with it. The infected never attack en masse like Romero-style zombies, nor do they keep in hiding long enough to carry out any strategy more complex than a surprise attack. The lack of development shows especially in the ending, which hinges on a twist improbable enough to hint that at least one of the reanimated might still among the crew, but mostly just doesn’t feel thought out. What zombie fans are likely to end up wishing for is that the filmmakers had gone all in with the parasites and left the generic alien on the cutting room floor.

This brings us to the “one scene”, and it is tellingly early. After the expedition’s first casualty, the rest of the crew is in mourning, particularly her boyfriend. As he sits disconsolate by a porthole, his lady love suddenly appears outside and beckons him. He goes out after her, with enough presence of mind to put on a spacesuit but not to alert his crewmates. We then see the reanimated lady moving away from the ship, pausing long enough to ensure that the guy sees her. By the time he has caught up, she is entirely out of her space suit. There is a genuinely eerie moment as she approaches the boyfriend, who merely stands in shock. Then, seemingly nonchalantly, she removes his helmet and kisses him, even as he collapses. It’s a truly unique and unnerving scene, all too much so for this movie.

With all that said, it will be obvious that this movie isn’t great. What kept me reserved about including it here, however, is whether it is truly “weird”. For pure randomness, this one is way up there, but is it really any stranger than, say, Lifeforce? The Video Dead? The Cemetery Man? Or (dear Logos) Shanks? If anything, this movie cops out where their like charged ahead, for better or worse. It’s the counterintuitive conventionality that brings this one down, to the point that I might have rated it better if it had been “worse” in ways that actually pushed the envelope. It may not be a full blown baddie, but it’s a self-dated artifact that’s overdue to be laid to rest.