No Good Very Bad Movies Special: The one by Lucio Fulci

 

Title: The House By The Cemetery aka Zombie Hell House

What Year?: 1981 (Italian release)/ 1982 (UK release)

Classification: Weird Sequel/ Mashup

Rating: Who Cares??? (2/3)

 

As I write this, I am in my own mind passing into a new phase of this feature, to the extent that I’m past the mark that I have considered the point of possible retirement. While I make other decisions, I decided to continue something I already started with another film from a well-known director, this time one I have dealt with long and often enough to consider an archnemesis, an “honor” I previously reserved for Ralph Bakshi. With no further beating around the bush, I present The House By The Cemetery, yet another film from the infamous Lucio Fulci. And I’m going to try this out: FUUULCIII!!!

Our story begins with a little skin and a gruesome double murder by an assailant with one hand seemingly rotting away. We then meet a couple with one of the most kids in history, who are moving in to a house where a colleague of the father killed himself and his mistress, because the first rule of Italian horror movies is that nobody has seen an Italian horror movie. It proves to by a charming house in the countryside, of course next to a cemetery. Soon, the family begins to notice strange things about the house, starting with a boarded-up cellar. Meanwhile, the boy continues making friends with a girl only he can see who gives dire warnings of impending danger. When visitors and staff start disappearing, the father finally does his research and figures out that the house was originally owned by one Dr. Freudstein, an unspeakably evil Victorian surgeon. Of course, it’s none other than Freudstein lurking in the house, still claiming victims for his incomprehensible experiments. Can the family escape the revenant? Will somebody make the kid shut up? Find out- or don’t!

The House By The Cemetery was a 1981 horror film by Lucio Fulci, from a script by Dardano Sacchetti. The movie has been considered 3^rd or 4^th in a semi-official series, preceded by Zombie, City of the Living Dead and/or The Beyond. The film was reportedly inspired by the works of H.P. Lovecraft, as well as “The Turn of the Screw” by Henry James. It was the third Fulci film to feature Catriona MacColl, in the leading role of the mother Lucy Boyle. Other cast included Italian veterans Paolo Malco as Dr. Boyle and Ania Pieroni as an ill-fated babysitter, with child actor Giovanni Frezza as Bob Boyle. The soundtrack was composed by Walter Rizzati. The film was shot in New England in early 1981 and released in Italy in August of the same year. It was released in the UK in 1982, and in the US in 1984. Censorship led to alternate cuts of 85 and 82 minutes. The uncensored 86-minute cut is available on disc. Multiple versions of the film may be found on digital platforms.

For my experiences, I first heard of Fulci when I began reading about zombie movies, and it was quite a while before I ventured to watch any of his films. Eventually, I got through all his zombie-related films and a few more, without finding a single one that I could count as a favorite. When I started doing movie reviews, I covered Zombie for Space 1979, a little more harshly than I might have in a better mood, and panned The Beyond in absolutely cold blood in a rematch for The Revenant Review. But I continued to ponder his other work, especially the present film, which I would easily have nominated as the worst of them all. Once I started this figure, I considered it on and off, and got to it now because it happened to be the one at the top after repeated semi-random shuffling of my “rental” queue. I went in quite ready and rather eager to give it my worst. The reality, however, quickly proved more complex and in its own way frustrating, as I came to realize that this is if anything one of Fulci’s more focused efforts, which admittedly is like talking about the best Bert I. Gordon movie.

Moving forward, the foremost impression the movie gives is that it’s even less of a conventional zombie movie than The Beyond was. The impression I get is a cross between a slasher movie and a haunted house tale, which is enough to make me annoyed just saying it. The irritation factor gets a generous boost from the kids. The mother is aggravating in her own right; I find it particularly odd that she keeps saying her child’s name simply as “Bob”, without a trace of endearment. The things that keep the movie above the waterline are the good sets and camerawork, and the groovy soundtrack, which I was surprised not to find attributed to one of a few usual suspects. Meanwhile, the bottom line is that even with a running time under 90 minutes, the film takes a long time to tell a quite simple story that still ends with a cop-out, yet it must be allowed that it at least doesn’t bombard the viewer with obvious nonsense. As already noted, that may be a low bar, but it is an unquestionable improvement for the filmmaker in question.

If there’s a con, it is the effects and the underwhelming undead. The movie establishes some intriguing parameters for a zombie movie: There is only one revenant, clearly able to use weapons and plan his attacks, who if his intelligence is undiminished equal to any of the characters. There’s no real cunning , however, as the killer makes no appreciable efforts to hide his killings and would surely be found quickly if obvious signs of violence (including a bloodstain cleaned up by the maid!) were properly investigated. The further gore effects of the attacks are nothing to write home about, with only the impossible opening kill (apparently figured on some posters) reaching the surreal absurdity of the giallo genre that birthed Fulci (see Phenomena while you’re at it). Then the final reveal of the revenant is a flat washout, all the more unaccountable since the usually inventive crew was free to focus all their efforts in the single creature. To me, it resembles nothing so much as an intermediate stage of the shapeshifting bounty hunters in Critters. A further comment is in order on the ignominious death of Lucy, seemingly battered to death as Freudstein drags her unceremoniously down the stairs.

Now for the “one scene”, I’m trying to finish this quickly. As we approach the final act, Ann ends up in the cellar for no good reason. For no obvious reason, she calls for Bob. We cut to the kid, who whispers to one of his toys, “We’ve gotta go rescue Ann.” He still pauses to prepare himself, finally grabbing a toy gun before toddling down the stairs. By then, Ann is already clearly beyond help, and the kid is still taking his time. As he finally arrives, the cellar door opens fatefully. The kid calls Ann’s name as he descends the stairs, which are somehow free of any evidence of the attack. Then there’s the sound of something tumbling down the stairs. It’s bizarre, it makes no sense, and it works, which is no less than one would expect from even a lesser master of Italian horror.

In closing, I have the rating left, and I will freely admit I was conflicted. If it had annoyed me more, I would have given it the lowest rating, while if it had been as much of a mess as I remembered, I would most likely have given it the unrated/ Guinnocent ranking, which if anything has ended up a bit overused. As usual, the real question was, do I actively hate this movie? Even I have to concede, the answer is no. This is where zombie movies and to a certain extent Italian movies are already in my blind spot. To provoke me requires not just “bad”, or even boring, but some especially noteworthy combination of offensive, stupid and/ or lazy, like Alien 2, War of the Planets (see also Star Odyssey) or a select file of zombie movies I have yet to dignify with public naming. In that bigger picture, even a movie like this is still in the realm of prosaic badness rather than rage-inducing atrocities. With that, I have one more under the belt, and an almost pleasant surprise. Trust me, things are getting a lot worse.