No Good Very Bad Movies 7: The one where Jennifer Connelly has bug powers

 

Title: Phenomena aka Creepers

What Year?: 1985

Classification: Mashup

Rating: Guinnocent! (Unrated/ NR)

 

When I first thought of this feature, one of my first ideas was to do what I did with the Revenant Review last year and fill out a month with this feature. It all went along with the standard joke about movies that are so bad they’re scary. What I very quickly realized was that this was going to be absolutely brutal, enough that I started coming up with or actually watching movies for my other features that I could turn to if/ when I got burned out. I find, however, that I’ve gotten a certain momentum going. At the same time, I decided it was time for something a little different, and I further concluded that one of my “contingency” movies might actually work. With that, I present Phenomena, a movie where Jennifer Connelly has telepathic powers over insects, and that still makes it sound less weird than it is.

Our story begins with a waif who is brutally murdered, after discovering a house where someone or something has escaped a set of chains. We then meet Jennifer, a young lady on her way to boarding school. She further insists that she can communicate with insects, which she demonstrates by making friends with a bee during a cab ride. Her abilities are enough to convince an entomology professor, who keeps a chimpanzee butler for some reason. Meanwhile, several students and faculty are murdered, leading the professor to propose that their combined insect powers can solve the case. Alas, the doctor ends up as the next victim, leaving Jennifer on her own. When she finds herself alone with not one but two killers, it’s up to her to escape. Can her insect friends save the day, or is she bug food?

Phenomena was a 1985 film by Italian filmmaker Dario Argento (see Two Evil Eyes and Zombi/ Dawnof the Dead), starring Jennifer Connelly (see The Rocketeer) and Donald Pleasance. The film effectively bridged his earlier work in horror and the “giallo” genre, with additional elements of science fiction/ fantasy. The soundtrack featured music by Goblin and Claudio Simonetti, as well as songs by Iron Maiden and Andi Sex Gang. The film was released in Italy with a running time just under two hours and internationally with a somewhat shorter 110-minute cut. In the United States, it was released with drastic cuts and re-editing that reduced the running time to 83 minutes, under the title Creepers. Its alternate title is the same as an unrelated 1993 film sometimes known as Troll 3 (definitely due for a spot). Contemporary reviews were very negative, but it has remained well-regarded among fans of Argento and horror in general. Scholars have noted it as the last Argento film to receive a wide US theatrical release. It is currently available on digital platforms. A digital album of the soundtrack is also available.

For my experiences, I got to this movie on the tail end of a deeper dive into Argento’s work and the giallo genre. In the course of that investigation, I watched several movies very deserving of this feature, but what struck me is that the giallo format actually restrained the excesses of Argento and Italian movies in general. The genre was set up as mystery first and horror as the supposed afterthought. As a consequence, they usually adhere to certain minimum standards of narrative logic: The story and events lead to an unambiguous revealing of the killer; most or all that is seen can be explained without a supernatural or science-fictional element; and the “clues” provided point to the actual resolution, at least when considered after the fact. Meanwhile, this movie popped up on my radar without my giving a thought to reviewing it, or even initially noting Argento’s involvement. When I got through, I very quickly decided it belonged here, if only because of the sheer bonkers factor. I also bought the soundtrack for more than I would have paid for the movie (about 20 minutes padded out with “bonus” tracks on the lines of Zombie), because it’s even more surreal than the film.

What stands out about this movie from the start is that it stays in giallo form, yet quickly sets aside its relative strengths. At least the first act amounts to filler between murders, which if anything are mercifully restrained compared to Argento’s preceding work. There’s some extra strangeness with the repeated shots of the weapon, which looks for all the world like one of the “invasion pikes” improvised in the darkest hours of World War 2. I count it as a further plus that there’s no nudity or sexual content that stands out. (If you want to make a joke about Ms. Connelly… grow up.) We at least get to see some proper development of Jennifer’s character and further abilities, while Pleasance and the ape provide some early high points. Things start to get in gear as the heroine starts showing off her powers, notably a scene where her initially mocking classmates are literally silenced by a swarm battering at the windows.

Perhaps inevitably, things go off the rails with the finale, which I will admit is the one part I really paid attention to. (With Italian movies, it never helps.) I had to look up a synopsis to figure out what leads to Jennifer entering a fateful house that corresponds to one seen at the beginning. Even so, there’s absolutely no buildup to what follows, except a crudely telegraphed mention of a disabled “child” that will be revealed shortly. The discovery of this ghastly mutation is easily the most satisfying of the final act if not the movie, heightened by Jennifer’s naivete and immediate, hypocritical horror when she approaches it. What irritates me on cross-examination is that we never really learn the creature’s role in the body count. He seems to be responsible for at least the first kill, but it’s a stretch to grant that he committed many others, particularly those that would have required both strength and stealth. It doesn’t help that we get no further frame of reference for what he’s capable of and what he really is. If he was some kind of midget rather than a child, it would be easy to believe that he is stronger than he looks, but again, nothing is addressed. In the ultimate course of events, he’s really just an unnecessary distraction, summarily defeated just in time for the real threat to arrive.

Now, it’s time for the “one scene”, and I’m going with nothing less than the part that first pushed me to take further note of this film at all. At the 40-minute mark, Jennifer goes wandering into the night, and surprisingly, it’s not one of her convenient bouts of sleepwalking. The film’s theme music begins to play, I’m sure for the first time, as soon as she’s out the door, still in her bedroom attire. She soon sees and begins to follow a firefly friend toward a fateful discovery. It’s an impressively ethereal sight, yet still completely overwhelmed by the music, highlighted by the contralto vocals of Pina Magri. It’s an utterly mindboggling exercise in excess, something like playing the Superman theme while Clark Kent proofreads his next article for the Daily Planet. You would never expect it, but if you know Italian movies, it still won’t be that surprising.

In closing, the main thing I still have to say is that I’ve gone with this one in the wishful hope of giving a representative example of Italian movies, though it’s already predetermined that at least one more will be coming on the chopping block. It would be easy to call it an “egregious” example, except that when dealing with Italian movies, the point comes quite quickly when that feels like calling water wet. Nevertheless, it is indeed a fitting representation of the artist, the genres he contributed to, and the nation and studio system he represented, as well as an unfortunate indicator of his decline. For the further rating, I had to go by process of elimination. It’s not by any stretch “good”, but it’s not bad in the ways that would annoy me into handing out a 1 (and Dear Logos, there’s a lot worse incoming). It’s not maligned or neglected, to the extent that Argento fans clearly still appreciate it. It’s also not incompetent or lazy on the level that Ingagi was. What gets the “guinnocent” verdict is that it is clearly just as weird, confusing and fascinating as it was meant to be. And with that, I’m calling it a night… because whatever I do next, I definitely need a breather first.

Image credit Discogs.