No Good Very Bad Movies 6: The one that's worse than Maximum Overdrive

 

Title: Sleepwalkers aka Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers

What Year?: 1992

Classification: Improbable Experiment

Rating: Dear God WHY??!! (1/3)

 

In the course that brought me to this feature, a recurring thought in my mind ha been a sense that I’m on the defense. My tastes are eclectic and unique, to put it mildly, and it works very much both ways; I can enjoy and defend movies others hate, and I can find profitable and well-reviewed films absolute torture. My conundrum is, at what point is this just me? Is there some switched wire that makes me love Deep Rising and hate Forrest Gump? With this review, I offer another test case, just to see if I can find a common ground with the rest of the human race. I present Sleepwalkers, I swear the worst Stephen King film I ever watched. And I’ve not only seen Maximum Overdrive, I gave it a good review.

Our story begins with a grim scene as the police search a house full of dead cats and the seemingly mummified body of at least one young woman. We then jump to a handsome mom and her attractive teenage son, just settling into a new town. But all is not well, and the fact that they share a bedroom is only the tip of the iceberg. In short order we learn that these two are a pair of vampiric creatures from convenient native American legend, able to turn into what look like cat aliens made of orange chicken. But notwithstanding an angsty class project, neither of them seem unhappy with their lot beyond the fact that pickings have been slim of late. When the lad meets a charming young lady, it only takes a few minutes of making out before he gets down to business and tries to suck out her life force. When the girl escapes, however, and for once runs to the cops, Mama must step in to get rid of the loose end before they starve. But the real question is, how did we get this but not a Rose Madder movie???

Sleepwalkers was a 1992 film directed and coproduced by Mick Garris from a script by Stephen King. The film has been noted as the first King film not based on a previously published story, an arguable claim since several original stories had been included in anthology films such as Creepshow. The film starred Brian Krause and Alice Krige of Star Trek: First Contact as the cat-vampires Charles and Mary, with Madchen Amick as the would-be love interest Tanya. The supporting cast included Ron Perlman and Dan Martin as the expendable police and cameos by horror legends such as Tobe Hooper and Joe Dante. The soundtrack included tracks by Enya and classic-rock instrumentalists Santo and Johnny. The movie was profitable, earning $30 million against a $15M budget. Critics and King fans gave mixed to negative reviews, generally citing earlier scenes as atmospheric and superior to the film’s finale. The movie remains available on disc and streaming.

For my experiences, my frame of reference is my late and still selective interest in Stephen King. I read a little of his stuff in high school, but mostly gave a hard pass through college in the early 2000s. It was at about the same time that I started investigating the movies. What I find striking now is that the stable of movies wasn’t much different than it is now (with The Mist being the last major addition outside the remake/ reboot category), but the fortunes of the individual films have definitely gone back and forth. Pet Semetary, just for example, has gone from well-regarded to frequently ridiculed, while Creepshow has become more firmly entrenched as a favorite than it was. Through it all, the “minor” films, especially those based on King’s short stories, have remained stable: Maximum Overdrive, Graveyard Shift, The Mangler, and more, all well-known enough to be talked about at least on the cult/ camp vein. The present film is the conspicuous exception, one I had never heard of before I watched it over a decade ago and never heard of again until I researched it for this review. What stuck in my mind throughout that time was that it was awful. When I did give it a viewing, the one surprise was how close it came to the “disqualified” category, because I was ready to quit repeatedly. Yes, it is that bad.

If there’s anything to get out of the way first, it’s that it gets a generous “cringe” factor right out of the gate with the mother/ son relationship. What puts that off the charts is the seemingly flippant way it’s handled; there’s no delay or ambiguity that would make it shocking, and if we’re supposed to believe the viewer is meant to be disturbed or disgusted, the incongruous music completely defeats the purpose. And that only gets to the heart of the problem, there are simply no likeable qualities in this pair. Yes, they show weakness, grief and fear, but when push comes to shove, they never hesitate to take a life for their appetite, or leave a few extra bodies if the authorities and other bystanders even come close to getting in their way. The one useful thing this accomplishes it to put a pin in the “romantic” vampire over a decade before Twilight. Even then, the story continues to lack a worthy foil. Tanya is spunky and innocent after a fashion, but just generic, while the only cop to register is the deputy played by Martin.

On other fronts, the movie is most noteworthy as yet another entry that feels like it was made for TV rather than a theater. That further accounts for many of its worst missteps and excesses, particularly the godawful creature effects, which still have just enough polish to be soulless, and the soundtrack, which is like something that got shaken out of the ‘90s cliché tree and hit every branch on the way down. Where I further dissent is that I find no decline in the overall quality. The early acts are somewhat stylish, but this is mostly self-conscious gimmickry (including way too much of the camerawork), which leaves the underlying inanity untouched. If anything, it’s the finale that at least raises the proceedings into the “so bad it’s good” category, thanks to a psychotically ramped-up performance from Krige and several outlandish gore shots. The most darkly amusing moment is the reveal of the pitifully weakened Charles, followed closely by the onslaught of the vengeful cats against Mary.

With that, I’m ready for the “one scene”, and it’s a revealingly early moment. A half-hour and one or two murders in, Martin’s deputy gets suspicious of Charles and his very cool sports car. Along for the ride is the deputy’s cat, whom he converses with throughout the chase that follows. It’s worth further note that Charles really has little if anything to fear, after already disposing of the one person to investigate his background. This is all about speed for its own sake, and it feels in good fun for both sides and the viewer. Things change when they approach a school bus unloading children. The deputy pulls over, and there’s no reason to doubt the lad will do the same, if only so he doesn’t leave a known death on his trail. But nope, he keeps going straight ahead. There’s some more melodrama that follows. The only shot that matters, however, is a glimpse of the retractable stop sign sheered right off the bus.

In closing, I am left to address not just my own rating but how it compares with others’ reviews. I have definitely judged it more harshly than some, but I am certainly not alone in ranking this among the very worst movies associated in any way with King, and even the apologists certainly aren’t counting it as an underrated classic. Overall, I will concede there may be King movies that are as bad or worse (Graveyard Shift being a strong contender). With my usual handicapping, on the other hand, this is one that easily suffers precisely because of the evident talent of those involved, especially King himself, who could otherwise have written off whatever material he had as blowing off steam. Finally, I freely acknowledge that this movie leaves me personally angry and annoyed on a level I doubt any other contender could, conspicuously for dragging in Santo and Johnny; even Enya didn’t deserve that. (Disclaimer, Enya’s okay, if you weren’t listening to Enya in the 1990s.) It’s still not the worst I’m going to get to, even with Ingagi and Robot Monster out of the way, but in its already motley niche category, it remains an exceptional piece of kaka. With that, I’m done, and now I’m watching Graveyard Shift.