The Horrible Horror Vault: The one with Terry Thomas and a killer rope

 

 

Title: The Vault of Horror

What Year?: 1973

Classification: Weird Sequel/ Mashup

Rating: That’s Good! (4/4)

 

As I write this, I’m preceding with my plans for a Halloween lineup, and I’ve been debating what to do with this feature in particular. It should be clear from the title as well as the preceding entries that I was inspired by movies that are all kinds of not great. It would be easy to fill out the lineup with actual “bad” movies, even after the dumpster dives I already did for No Good Very Bad Movies. As I keep ranting, however, making fun of bad movies has never been what I do. It also happens that the title itself is a reference to a movie that I have already held up as very, very good, so it is only natural that I should finally review it here. I present The Vault of Horror, a comic book sequel that improves on the original, and that was already pretty good.

Our story begins with a view of the London cityscape, set to egregiously dramatic music. We then find several dapper gentlemen who find themselves stuck on an elevator that leaves them in a subbasement where nobody seems to be around, though they still have no qualms about eating from a plate of cheese. The men began to tell their dreams and visions, leading into a series of tales of murder, mayhem and revenge. There is an heir who goes to the wrong restraint after murdering his sibling; an obsessive-compulsive who drives his young(er) wife over the brink; and a magician who will go to any lengths to obtain the secret of an Indian mystic’s rope trick. That is followed up with an insurance scheme that collides with a pair of graverobbers. Finally, we get a zesty tale of voodoo where a painter uses a curse against the patrons who wronged him. But when all the tales are told, they must still find out where they really are!

The Vault of Horror was a 1973 anthology horror/ fantasy film by Amicus (see The People That Time Forgot), produced as a sequel to Tales From The Crypt released the previous year. The film was based on stories from the EC comics Tales From The Crypt and Shock SuspenStories, but none from the Vault of Horror comic, which had been the source of a segment in the original film. The film was directed by Roy Ward Baker, known for A Night To Remember, replacing Freddy Francis. The cast included Terry Thomas of It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World and Mary Poppins’ Glynnis Johns as the dysfunctional Mr. and Mrs. Critchit, Kurt Jurgens as the magician, Tom Baker as the vengeful painter and real-life siblings Daniel and Anna Massey as the estranged brother and sister of the opening segment. Two different versions were released, one rated R on US release and the other PG; the latter version became more controversial. The film was poorly received by contemporary reviewers, many of whom already viewed the original film unfavorably, but became reasonably popular with genre fans and critics. Both cuts of the film have been released on disc, most significantly a 2014 Shout release containing both versions and Tales From The Crypt. As of 2022, it is not available for digital purchase or rental in the United States.

For my experiences, I already covered a good deal of this when I reviewed Tales From The Crypt, which I have started to think I was a little too hard on. In that review, I raised the question which film is better. What has interested me most, however, is the very disparate status of the two films. The original movie has remained an undisputed “classic” that even critical reviewers take seriously. The second film, in contrast, has remained lesser-known, bordering on obscure, to the point that I myself can’t recall knowing of it until both films came out together in a combo pack. Once I did watch it, I found this to be the most unaccountable and certainly unfair thing about it, because whether or not you favor it over the original, the present film is just as worthy of attention.

Moving forward, I’m starting with the best, which is the second segment with Thomas and  Johns. This gets my pick for the best piece of either movie (perhaps equal with “Blind Alleys”), admittedly in no small part for hitting very close to home for me as an autism-spectrum self-advocate. It’s a poignant and surprisingly nuanced tale of two flawed characters who in no way deserve their fates yet cannot avert the inevitable. Everything else speaks for itself, especially the performances of the leads. There’s a perfectly good follow-up in the middle act. At face value, it’s a predictable old-style morality play with what is in cold blood one of the most ludicrous monsters on record. The real horror is in the details, starting with Jurgens’ ruthless character and his equally cold-blooded partner (played by TV stalwart Dawn Addams). There’s disturbing subtlety in the seemingly spontaneous unfolding of their plan, which neither of them really has to argue or explain to the other. The quite obvious consequences add a certain note of hubris; as the anti-hero learns too late, newfound belief is not the same as respect. Any and all further objections are overridden by the vengeful magic rope. (Just saying that should tell the innocent bystander what I’m dealing with here…) None of the effects in this little franchise were particularly good even for their own time, and this is definitely not the best, but for malign personality in a nominally inanimate object, this is right up there with the truck in Duel.

Oof course, it will already by obvious that not all the segments are this good. It doesn’t help that the first story is the one I have long considered the worst. I came out with a somewhat better impression of it in the viewing for this review. At least there is style and ingenuity as the especially foul murderer finds himself in a restaurant full of the undead, culminating in a justly publicized tableau as his would-be victim appears. I still can’t reach a better opinion of the penultimate segment, a contrived variation of the buried-alive tale that should have been laid to rest (pun unavoidable) by the preceding film’s realistic depiction of embalming as a plot point. It might sink the whole movie if not for the finale, not nearly as strong as the original’s, but still a lively tale greatly improved by Tom Baker’s incredibly low-pitched voice. (See, of all things, my Golden Voyage of Sinbad collectibles post.) One more thing I can’t pass over is the theme music, I’m sure created as a mashup of “Night On Bald Mountain” and “Dies Irae” (see… Chopper Chicks in Zombietown???). It could easily be counted as ludicrous, particularly against the sunny city scenes; by further comparison, the absolutely awful “Toccata” track of the original film (yes, you can make Bach sound bad) at least fit the somber Gothic scenery. Still, there is effort here that pays off with real effect then and now, which is more than can be said for the “trendy” synthesizer scores that would multiply as the decade progressed.

Now for the “one scene”, I’m going with one that I didn’t quite fit into my comments above. In the midst of the final segment, Baker as the exiled artist finds his way to a witch doctor. It begins with a dark hut, and the inevitable drumming that doesn’t actually seem to come from on-screen. When we get a look at the shaman, he is decidedly more like a westernized extra than an authentic practitioner, which in context actually works pretty well. In keeping with this modern aesthetic, both parties get right to their business without trying to impress each other. When questioned about his purpose, the artist simply says, “Revenge.” With some reluctance, he goes through with the quite simple ritual, by now accompanied by a genuinely eerie flute. At the end, he asks with a hint of mockery if the witch doctor will give him a doll to stick pins in. He answers as if stating the obvious, “You are artist, you don’t need doll.” It’s a scene that could embody the whole style of both films: Outwardly atmospheric, inwardly economical, and entirely effective.

In closing, I come back to which film is “better”. At this point, I am ready to admit that I could go back and forth simply based on mood. The real lesson to be drawn from that is that this film and Tales From The Crypt are far more different than they might appear in description or even casual viewing. The first film was closest to the comics, a fact which is self-evident even to those like me with only a general knowledge of the period and genre. As such, it was more colorful, more action-driven, more open with its humor and in many lights more “fun” overall. This film went back and dug deeper, down to the more serious and “adult” bedrock that was there all along. To me, that makes it the more successful and innovative of the two when all other allowances are made. The real bottom line is, there is no “bad” choice here; the only thing that’s overdue is for more people to give them both a chance. That’s enough for me to bring this to an end for another day.