I once again didn't have anything for today, so here's more of Chelsea the social worker, just in case I needed to explain this is supposed to be kind of stupid. The big news, I finally worked in a character I kept cutting out, also a little bit of "authentic" Serbo-Croatian. This time, I'm putting in a complete set of links at the end. Enjoy, or let me know if you don't...
The doctor stepped up to
question the law enforcement robot known as Percy. “Inspector Simmons,” he
said, holding up a can of film, “in your opinion, does this film violate the
Moral Contraband Act?”
“That isn’t a
determination I can make,” Percy said. “I can only testify to the contents of
the film. I can’t say I’m happy to do it.”
“Still, surely, you can give us some context,” the doctor said. “What makes a film Moral Contraband?”
“Well, for us to file charges, there has to be evidence of intent to distribute,” Percy said. “We can’t prove or disprove that in a case like this; one film is one film, period. Otherwise, all we can do is confiscate media that are deemed contraband, The two remaining tests are whether it portrays acts that are against the laws of the Arcostate, and whether it has educational value. The first used to include homoerotic acts, non-monogamous partnering, and interspecies mating, but now, it’s just consent. The other is the hardest thing to prove. It’s supposed to exempt material that could be used to instruct people who are monogamously partnered or seeking partnership. In practice, it's a crapshoot. Once in a while, we bring in somebody from Domestic Services and let them decide if they can use it.”
The sauravian State Examiner
stepped in. “All right then,” he said, “let’s speak to the third test, since
the Parties are indeed employees of the Department. Does this film have
educational value to the Arcostate?”
“No,” Percy said. “I testify that this film has no educational or informational value whatsoever. Or artistic value. Or entertainment value. It might have nutritional value, but I’m non-organic, so that’s outside my area of expertise. Frankly, I doubt it.”
“Would you show the film
to the panel?” the doctor said.
“No,” Percy said. “I advise against that in the strongest possible terms. Since my Department has legal custody of the film, I have the authority to forbid such a viewing, barring direct orders from my superiors or at least one senior member of the Arcostate Council.”
“Very well,” the doctor
said, clearly doubling back. “The full contents of the film is in your memory
banks, correct?”
“Yeah, that’s right,” Percy said. “I have sufficient storage for 2.8 million hours of holographic-resolution video at maximum compression. I’ve been meaning to declutter a bit. So yeah, it’s in my memory banks until I choose to delete it. Believe me, I plan on it.”
“All right,” the doctor
pressed, “why don’t you narrate the film for us?”
“Yeah, I can do that,” Percy said. “I’ll give you the specs first. It’s 39 minutes long, consisting of stop-motion animation, digitally-assisted 2-dimensional animation, and a limited number of live-action shots with no more than 6 participants.” Chelsea glanced in Shad’s direction. He squirmed. She looked sidelong at Diane, who pointedly looked away.
Percy begin his narration as he loaded the file. “So, the film is called Kink Konk,” he said. “Obviously, it’s based on King Kong. It opens with about a minute and a half of credits. It says, A film by Shad! Directed by Shad! Starring Diane as Diane! Written by… you get it.” He sighed. “Now we’re in the longest live segment,” he says. “A lot of it’s captions and cards, though. `Carl Candham is organizing an expedition to Skrew Island…’ Yeah, I’m not saying that again… We see Candham, I can identify the performer with 99% confidence as Frank Weber… So he goes into a movie theater showing a contraband film… and there’s one lady in the audience, that’s Diane… I can identify her with 99.8% confidence as Diane Clairborne… and he threatens to turn her in to the cops if she doesn’t come to the island…
“Now they reach the island, it’s animated… Not bad, actually… There’s a native chief in a mask, a woman, I’d give a 75% biometric match for Telulah `Tilly’ Van Arkin… She climbs aboard a ship and kidnaps Diane… Then Diane’s offered to their god Konk, a gorilla of course… That’s the real deal, reproduction of the armature used in the original film, we traced the puppet to the Gordon Center… So the ape carries Diane away, Candham and the guys are chasing him… The animation shows 12, but all the closeups are the same three guys… They build a boat, cross a swamp, the boat gets sunk by a big sea serpent thing… The snake is chasing them, it’s got legs or flippers or something, the last guy tries to climb a tree, it climbs the tree and eats him… Oh yeah, and the snake doesn’t have any eyes, and the jaws don’t go up and down…
“Now the gorilla hears Candham coming, so he leaves Diane in a tree. He catches them all on a log across a chasm. The snake’s still chasing the guys, so they can’t go back… The gorilla picks up the log, and rolls it back and forth until they fall off, except Candham… So the ones that fall in the pit get attacked by these crab creatures… Yeah, I’m going with that… When one of them grabs a guy, he shrivels up, this is stop-motion of course. And there’s one big one, sort of a weevil-tick thing, it catches the last guy with these two pincers, grabs him by the legs and pulls… Okay, that’s pretty good. Oh, and a couple of the crab things have crawled out. Candham sends one of them back into the pit by cutting a vine, and the other… bites the gorilla, I’m not saying where.”
He tapped his fingers. “Now, it’s gone back to Diane, and there’s a big sauravian coming, it’s the same model we have in evidence. Diane says, `Oh no, the Kelsiraptor!’ The raptor stops, she’s… ah… let’s say scratching… I might check that with Domestic Services… Now she’s going for Diane, Konk is running in… They’re wrestling, she’s down, but she tripped him with one leg… The tree’s falling over… And now the raptor is biting the gorilla, I don’t think he’s trying to stop her… Now Diane’s grabbing a tree branch… this is shown with just a doll… And I don’t think the puppet was designed for that.”
He continued his narration. “So Konk has Diane in his hand, and he’s tickling her with a feather from the Kelsiraptor, and she’s definitely liking it… Oh, the snake thing just snuck up behind the gorilla, now they’re fighting… And he’s tied it in a knot, he’s pulling it tighter, now it’s kind of burst… Candham just found Diane, he’s trying to take her with him but she doesn’t want to go, he ties her up… And now the gorilla’s fighting a pterosaur sort of thing… He’s chasing Candham, but more of his guys are coming with gas bombs… Yeah, the gorilla’s down.”
It was by then 30 minutes into the narration. “There’s more of the two-dimensional animation now, it looks like they were planning to do more with the puppets. It’s the same story, the gorilla gets taken to the big city. He escapes, Candham drags Diane to a hotel room, Konk finds them, chews up Candham and spits him out, that’s different; you see him fall a long way, then the ape runs off with Diane. He tries to escape up a skyscraper, only it’s not the Empire State building, it’s the Woolworth Building, so the airplanes go to the wrong address. But they’re coming back, Konk knocks one of them out, but there’s 3 more. He’s hurt. He’s putting Diane down, she doesn’t want to leave, then…”
He tapped his visor thoughtfully. “Now this is interesting. The Kelsiraptor is back. She’s flying in to rescue them. She’s smashed one of the airplanes, the last two are pulling off to attack her. She got one with her tail, she’s got hold of the other with her feet. She just tore out the engine, she’s breaking off the propellers, I don’t like where this is going… Yeah, I’m deleting that… So she’s picking up Konk and Diane, they’re flying off. Now there’s an extra bit, there’s a wedding, with the islander lady officiating. Konk is marrying the Kelsiraptor and Diane. Then there’s a title card, it says… `And they had therapy happily ever after THE END.”
The AI rested his forearm
on the witness box. “So yeah. That was awful. And you made me go through it
twice. Any questions?”
“Thank you, officer,” the Examiner said. “There’s another very important matter to discuss. It’s been testified that you sustained damage from an assault by one of the Parties here with a cutting tool. Mr. Feaghan has admitted sole responsibility. What can you tell us about the damage?”
“Well, the cutting blade split my primary sensor housing,” Percy said, tapping his visor. “It took out about 6 degrees of the total sensory arc. I had to remove the Interactive Assembly to affect repairs. That’s what you’d call my face. I’ve had worse damage. Like the time the Invaders blew up the tank I was driving. And the time they blew up the troop transport I was driving. And the other time they blew up the tank I was driving…”
“If I may,” the doctor
said, “can you tell us anything about who struck you?”
“The blade hit on an upward trajectory, so my sensors didn’t capture it until .15 seconds before it hit,” Percy said. “After that, of course, things got blurred. My video log confirmed what we knew from prints, both their hands were on the tool at the moment of impact. So, we can’t contradict Mr. Feaghan’s story. As far as we can tell, they could have done it together.”
The Examiner spoke up. “As it happens, we have the object used here,” he said. He held up a bag in his three-fingered hand. Inside was a small but clearly powerful tool with a cutting blade 12 cm in diameter. “Evidently, Mr. Feaghan had it purpose-built for use constructing effects armatures.” He pointed to a pistol grip on the far end of the tool. “You can see, it has a trigger mechanism to activate the blade, which is very well-protected from accidental contact. It would also seem unlikely that anyone but Mr. Feaghan handled the tool on a regular basis. I would like to clarify, then, did your forensics team find Ms. O’Keefe’s fingerprints on the trigger?”
“It wasn’t conclusive,”
Percy said. “So I’m told. They said they couldn’t get anything from the leading
surface, but there were partials on the sides, including one that might have been
hers. One of them might have had time to wipe it down, or it could’ve just gotten
rubbed out during the scuffle. Again, nothing to contradict or confirm their
story.”
The doctor chimed in
again. “I would also like to clarify… did Ms. O’Keefe make a statement?”
“No,” Percy said. “She was questioned several times, by me and others. She never said anything about it. Oh, yeah, and a rookie they sent to question her quit the force.”
“Pardon me, but I would like to hear from another party,” the Examiner said. “Ms. Kloe Garcia, senior instructor for the Domestic Services Physical Therapeutics Division.”
A dark-haired woman emerged from the small battery of department personnel. Her appearance and accent had confounded anyone trying to place them. It was clear was that she was with child. “Ms. Garcia,” the Examiner said as she took her seat, “I understand that you were present on the night when Mr. Feaghan and Ms. O’Keefe met, with Diane Clairborne. Now, did you recognize Mr. Feaghan at the time?”
“Yes,” she said. “He had attended several of my classes. I remembered him. I knew Chelsea was his caseworker, too. She introduced us like they’d just met. I could tell Diane wasn’t going to say anything. I stayed quiet until we left.”
“Did you get any
impression of Ms. O’Keefe’s feelings for Mr. Feaghan?” the Examiner asked.
Kloe shrugged. “She was
planning to take him away for a jebing, he was looking forward to it,” she said.
“The rest, not my business.”
The doctor stood up. “I
would like to question the witness as an expert for Counsel,” he said.
“I grant it,” said the
judge.
The doctor stepped forward, looking confident. “Your funeral,” Chelsea muttered.
“Miss Garcia,” the doctor
said, “can you explain a little further what your division does?”
“Certainly,” she said.
“We provide instructional materials, lessons and demonstrations in the physical
act of lovemaking.”
“And these are approved
by the Arcostate,” he said. “And the Church also?”
“Of course,” Kloe said. “We teach the holy allegory of the Two Made One. As the Logos is the Light of all enlightened beings, the warmth of that Light is Eros, the will and desire to create new life.”
“I’m told you were
recently married,” the doctor said. “Would you say you have a monogamous
partnership? That is to say, do you find your work compatible with monogamy?”
“Of course,” she said. “We have anatomical simulants for instructions, many of them designed by the man who is now my husband and the father of my child. No other man has had me.”
The doctor clearly reevaluated his tactics. “It’s a matter of record that you gave lessons to Mr. Feaghan and Ms. O’Keefe,” he said. “You then recommended Mr. Feaghan to be trained as an instructor. That seems extreme, certainly sudden for someone who had just had his first experience…”
“It happens,” Kloe said.
“Natural talent is a thing. I knew he had it from seeing him in class.
Observant, curious, imaginative, detail-oriented.”
“Then what was the
purpose of the lessons?” the doctor pressed.
“What happens in a
session is confidential,” Kloe said.
“Of course, but surely
you can tell us something.”
Kloe folded her hands. “Mr. Feaghan was not the problem,” she said. Chelsea flushed. “I would not say more than that if it were permitted.”
“Did anyone else
participate in your sessions?” the doctor asked. “I understand Ms. Clairborne
was present…”
Kloe shrugged. “I
performed our exercises with my husband’s assistance,” she said. “Ms.
Clairborne was present as an observer, by Department rules.”
“You must be aware of
certain reports about your Department,” the doctor said. “Just for example,
there are certain accounts of `bachelorette parties’…”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kloe all but hissed.
The Examiner spoke up
again. “Thank you, we have heard enough,” he said. “Now, I would like to hear
from Ms. O’Keefe.” Chelsea sighed and stepped forward.
Part II: The parking violation!
Part III: Capsule hotel destruction!
Part IV: The Kelsiraptor, and Harryhausen monster bureaucrat!
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