It’s the off-week on this
blog, and I have again decided to do something a little different. It’s time
for Star Wars, which I really cover a lot less than might be expected, and this
time I’m doing a research piece that I already put out there as a Youtube rant.
We’re going to be looking at the urgent question of whether any Star Wars ships
are “realistic” as spacecraft. Along the way, we will be considering the nature
of the franchise and where it’s been over 4 decades and counting. So to hold
momentum, I’m starting with my rating/ category system.
Not That Bad: I’m using this especially for ships that are already criticized both for “real world” science and “in-universe” considerations. I give this to ships that meet two minimum criteria: They “look” designed for what they are doing on-screen, and they have some features that would work on a “real” spaceship.
Mostly Good: This is for ships that meet the above criteria and go a little further. In particular, they have distinct parts with definite functions that all fit the ship’s indicated purpose. A further criteria is simply that these look interesting, attractive and generally “cool”.
Actually Okay: The
highest level, these are ships that would “work” in reality, with certain
“fudge factors” for in-universe things like deflector shields, hyperdrives,
etc.
So, here are the ships in
approximately chronological order.
Blockade Runner:
This one gets to a major rabbit hole in the lore, as the design and actual
models were originally intended for the Millennium Falcon. My guess as
to why this quite late change was made is that Lucas simply chose to move away
from realism toward the “science fantasy” of the pulps and serials. There can
be no argument that this marked a profound decision in the aesthetic of the
franchise. What we got was one of the most functional designs in the franchise.
It’s laid out in a linear form that has so far dominated “real” spacecraft
design, with several discrete parts that have clear and rational functions. As
a bonus, the final design and implied scale fills an actual gap between the
fighters and enormous capital ships, which is reflected by frequent appearances
in the later films. Meanwhile, the original design was immortalized in the
Marvel comic, and finally got an authorized release when Hot Wheels released a
line based on the models of the late Colin Cantrell (shown below with the Kenner diecast Falcon). If I would
have one wish, it would be to have seen the unmodified model in action. We can
still dream…
Rating:
Actually Okay
Y-Wing:
This is the SW fighter that has always intrigued me the most. What I find most
noteworthy is that it has been consistently portrayed as a multi-role ship,
broadly comparable to fighter-bombers like the P61, which in turn make sense
for an in-universe workhorse. It also offers a modular design that could easily
be modified, and individual parts that have clear and realistic functions. It
could easily make the highest tier except for those weird cages at the back of
the nacelles. You can impose some reason on it if these are assumed to be
capable of accelerating the propellant like an actual railgun, but the rudders
would simply be parts to overheat. Overall, it’s a sensible design that would
benefit from just a few tweaks.
Rating:
Mostly Good
TIE Fighter:
This is the big target, literally, having long since gone through the cycle
from a credible threat to disposable targets several times over. My big rant
here is that the whole original point of the concept and design was to throw
out Earthly analogies in favor of something that would only make sense
in space, and in the original trilogy consistently remained there. (I know,
Cloud City, I covered that in the video.) In those terms, there is at least
enough functionality to discuss how well it would work whether than whether it
would work at all: There are the solar panels for power, weapons shown to fire
rapidly, and the combination of computerized sensors and targeting and a large
cockpit window. Overall, these are lean and mean ships that were built for
blowing Rebels to junk and would continue to do so until and unless the
Empire’s good pilots were already dead.
Rating:
Not That Bad
Executor:
I already covered this in a post on the toys, this is Darth Vader’s flagship,
estimated as either 8 or 19.6 kilometers long. In many ways, it exemplifies
even more than the Death Star the ability of the franchise to write its own
rules and still manage a semblance of logic. When you have a ship with the
dimensions of an asteroidal moon, practicality is already out the window. Yet,
it has a sleek and appealing design, with no canonic weaknesses besides the
exposed bridge common to the franchise. Even there, we actually see the pros
and cons of protection versus situational awareness and the psychological
effects of visible vulnerability. What I love (already a long rant in the
video) is the hangar bay. Even for Star Wars, it is too huge for comprehensible
function, but here, that lends itself to imagination. It could hold a regular
cruiser, for rescue or capture. It could drop prefabricated fortifications from
orbit. If there wasn’t a war on, it could reel in asteroids and mine them. It’s
just cool, and that’s what has made the franchise last.
Rating:
Mostly Good
TIE Bomber: When
it came to the TIEs, I was able to lump them together in the video in a way
that wasn’t going to work here. For a second round, I’m covering the bomber, my
personal favorite Imperial ship after the Executor. Famously conceived
as an unused shuttle concept for the first movie, this one takes the TIE
concept and gives it a lot more space for the parts that would really matter.
As a bonus, it offers a multi-role design that could do quite a few things
beyond dropping munitions and carrying troops. The only real downside is that
we didn’t see more of it.
Rating:
Actually Okay
A-Wing:
Now getting into the third film, this one got an iconic turn taking out the Executor.
It has the benefit of a compact and streamlined design that looks like the
fast, light interceptor it is supposed to be. If there’s a “problem”, it’s that
it still isn’t that aerodynamic for a craft that seems designed for the
possibility of atmospheric flight, and the broad, flat body would limit
visibility from an otherwise well-designed cockpit canopy. The apparently
mobile weapons are also iffy, though they at least offer a real compromise
between fixed guns and a full turret. It’s decent if you don’t ask too many
questions.
Rating: Mostly
Good
B-Wing:
Now we get to one that feels intended for a bigger role than it ever got,
either in the original films or the wider mythos. It’s the most heavily armed
Rebel fighter, with the possible exception of the Y-wing, with a very modular
design that would presumably allow for a range of missions. The most
interesting element is the rotating cockpit, which offers an actual solution to
the problem of disorientation during maneuvers. Its implied upright orientation
offers a further departure from the plan-in-space paradigm. The big bonus is
the attractive and not quite Earthly design, which often comes out as far more
prosaic in the models and toys. It’s a nice ship that deserves more attention.
Rating:
Actually Okay
The Mon Cal cruisers:
These ships are my favorites of the capital ships. What they accomplish is to
create an aesthetic that is non-human but appealing, in keeping with the
franchise theme of casting aliens in “friendly” rather than villainous roles.
(Must suppress Yuuzan Vong rant…) They look both organic and adaptable, and
present a further contrast with the Star Destroyer’s angular form. As much as a
spaceship the size of 3 or 4 aircraft carriers can make sense, these are a
functional and truly attractive design. By my further rant, there are ample
indications that Home One is quite a bit larger than either the regular
cruisers or the Star Destroyers. Without these, the Rebellion clearly wouldn’t
stand a chance.
Rating:
Actually Okay
And here’s a bonus round
of ones that didn’t get their own spot in the video…
Imperial Star Destroyer:
This is the definitive franchise capital ship, literally a mile long with oddly
limited armament. For all its issues, it is at least a linear and
well-differentiated design. The one really problematic point is the unnecessary
division between dorsal armament and ventral fighter bays. It doesn’t help that
the main guns are shown with superstructure across half their arc. However,
there is room for debate whether the underbelly is as defenseless as it looks,
while the topside guns do defend the easiest routes of attack against the bridge
and engines. One more rant in order, it was always absolutely clear that these
are not meant to enter an atmosphere. All in all, it could have been worse for
a ship originally intended to have just a few minutes of screen time.
Rating:
Not That Bad
Darth Vader’s Tie
Fighter: This one did get in the video, as the excellent Action
Fleet version. It shows the TIE design filled out to more functional
proportions, if anything more than was strictly needed outside the Expanded
Universe narrative that standard TIEs have almost none of the things that Rebel
ships do. It’s a cool ship that shows that the base design can be adapted.
Rating:
Mostly Good
Medical Frigate/ Nebulon
B:
This is one I didn’t cover in the video, in part because the only physical
representation I ever found in my usual price range was a Micro Machine. This
was the first real Rebel capital ship we got to see, and it’s an appealing and
functional design. A deceptive strong point is the narrow midsection, which
gives ample room for ships of a range of sizes to dock. Its still unsung high
point is exchanging shots with a Star Destroyer point-blank in RotJ, which I
picture ending with the kamikaze crash recorded in the novel and script.
There’s a little too much kit-bashed pseudorealism for the top tier, but it’s
still a worthy part of the fleet.
Rating: Mostly
Good
Cloud Car:
Now the one that’s the actual joke, I just love this one and I will not
be shamed for it. It may not do anything, it may not make sense, but it’s an
attractive, streamlined design that at least would produce less drag than an
actual brick.
Rating:
Not That Bad
So, that’s my lineup. The
real bottom line is that Star Wars always did have a unique aesthetic that usually
gave some consideration to functionality. Even the franchise’s lesser efforts
still stand above many others from before and long since. (My object lesson in
the video, the Nostromo from Alien…) They might not work by “real world”
physics, but they still capture our dreams. With that, I’m signing off. Here's one more pic!
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