Fiction: Adventures of Sidekick Carl, Part 4

 Wasn't sure if I'd have time for something new today, so here's another installment of Sidekick Carl, plus links for parts 1, 2, and 3.

 

The truck pulled up to site C as sunset approached. “No wonder we missed it,” said the passenger. “There’s hardly anything here.” Before them was an enclosure surrounded by a fence topped with barbed wire. Inside it was some machinery and a cluster of sheds. The sliding gate was controlled with a keypad.

“It would have been easier getting what we need at the other site,” said the driver. He stepped out and pushed a badge into the slot, then hooked the card to a handheld computer. After a few moments, a light flashed and the door slid open.

They opened two of the sheds before finding what they needed in the third. As they rolled a single barrel up the loading ramp of the panel truck, the passenger said, “This is really all we need. Do we get out now, or get more?”

“More,” said the driver. “There’s no telling if we’ll get another chance. Besides, it will keep them guessing.”

They were loading the fourth barrel when the security guard arrived. He stepped into view from around the side of the fourth shed, with a submachine gun already drawn. He wore a gas mask over his face. “Hands up, I’m sure you know the drill,” he said almost lazily. The passenger reached for a spray canister the size and shape of a fire extinguisher, but the driver shook his head. They both stepped forward to the loading gate with hands raised.

The guard reached the foot of the ramp. He paused for a closer look at the barrel. “Hol-lee crap,” he said. “You know, I joined this outfit to pay for a degree in chemistry. Turned out a PhD still doesn’t get a better job than this. Anyway, I know what that stuff is, and I’m sure there aren’t a hundred people on this continent who would know what to do with it. So who the Hell are you, and who the hell did you think is going to pay…” As he spoke, he started up the ramp. That was when the passenger kicked the barrel.

For some reason, the guard put several rounds into the barrel before it knocked him down. He immediately started to scream. He was still screaming, faintly, as the intruders closed the loading gate and climbed back into the cab. “You’re not complaining about that one,” the driver said.

“He said he knew what it was,” the passenger responded. “We weren’t the ones who broke the barrel.” The gate opened automatically as they pulled up to it, and the truck roared off.

***

 The panel consisted of 3 couples, and it was clear that they were not all happy. The first pair on the left smiled and held hands; they were older, not quite elderly. In the middle were a man in a blue uniform and a woman in a professional blouse and skirt, looking at ease with each other. On the right were a woman with her arms crossed and a man in a red jumpsuit who slouched in his chair, actively avoiding eye contact. On their right was Carl.

“I’ll be blunt, all women want to be rescued,” said the man in the jumpsuit. His plaque read CAPTAIN THUNDER. “At least, they like the idea of being rescued. But put most women through it, and it’s like the first time getting laid. They learn what being in harm’s way is really like, then they figure out that the guys who really rescue people for a living don’t have time to play Prince Charming. And I’m sure most of them can learn to live with that. But the ones who are real trouble are either waiting for a hero to solve all their problems, or so kinky that they’ll try to get in danger. You get to know that kind, and if you’ve got any sense, you’ll stand back and let them find a way out of their own mess.”

“It wasn’t like that for us at all,” said the man in uniform. “We worked in the same office. When the Raven’s goons stormed the place, she saved more people than I did.” His partner squeezed his hand.

“Well, yeah, of course, that’s different,” Captain Thunder said. “If you really know each other, you can make a choice. Even if it’s a regular guy saving a girl, like those two, well, at least nobody expects him to do it again.” He gestured toward the couple at the end. “But when you’re the pro and she’s the girl coming down from a danger rush, nobody thinks things through. Like, how many other ladies do you think he’s saved before? And what do you expect him do the next time people are in danger, grab the fatties and leave the pretty ones to die?”

“Well, it’s not like women have a lot of options,” his own companion fumed. “We grow up being told to be grateful men are there to protect you, what would you expect a woman to do for a guy who just saved your life? And it’s not like guys are in it just for the goodness of your hearts. Don’t tell me you weren’t playing the field…”

Captain Thunder aggressively shrugged. “There’s all kind of ladies and all kinds of guys,” he said. “If you want the same thing, why not give it to each other? Just make sure you’re on the same page, and don’t burn any bridges behind you.”

The smiling woman spoke up. “That’s just perspective,” she said. “Saving a life takes seconds, building a relationship takes a lifetime…”

“Nice,” Captain Thunder said. “What fortune cookie did you find that in?”

At that, Carl interrupted, after clearly being prepared to for several minutes at least. “Come on, you know the rules of the con, no personal arguments in the panel,” he said. “It’s fine to talk about your feelings, you don’t need to criticize anyone else for expressing theirs.”

Captain Thunder jumped to his feet, which made Carl shift instinctively. “Yeah, and why’d they put you in charge?” he snarled. “Because Hydro’s micro machines replaced your glands? And here’s the question everybody really wants to ask, what have you got, anyway? Is there any there down there?” There was murmuring from the audience, plus a few awkward laughs. Toward the back, Dana sat with both hands over her mouth, her face flushed red.

Then, before Carl could react, Captain Thunder’s partner grabbed him by the arm. “Enough!” she screeched. “Now sit down!” To everyone’s surprise, he complied. “Good. And now, we’re done!” She grabbed his arm again, and he scuttled after her as she led him out the door.

 

Dana’s cheeks were still flushed when she met Carl at the door. “Wow,” she said. “That… could have been better.”

“I’ve seen a lot worse,” Carl said. “Those two… They say Thunder went home with her the night he pulled her out of a train Basiliskus derailed. They got married a week later, and that much is a matter of record. They won’t talk about it, but they still are married, legally. I had someone check.”

Again, they began to walk together. “Did you  ever wonder if you would ever do that?” Dana said. “Just meet someone and just… run off, like that?” She snapped her fingers as she spoke.

“I don’t know,” Carl said. He warily looked around. The crowd in the corridor was thin, but there were very few who didn’t look up as they approached. He grew more uneasy when he saw Audrey, seated between her two mates. “I haven’t really been in the dating scene.”

“Me either,” Dana said. “Not much, anyway.”

 

They paused for a trio of autograph seekers. There was laughter as the group wandered out of sight. “So,” Carl said, “what would you think of having dinner with me?”

“I’d like that,” she answered. “Actually, I was thinking… I might like to have you come to my RV for dinner.” Her cheeks reddened again as she spoke. “After my next panel, of course.”

 

“Of course,” Carl said. “After the panel.” She had started to walk away when he called out belatedly, “Where’s your RV?”

When she turned her head, her face was beet red, but she grinned broadly. “It’s in the south lot, you can’t miss it,” she said. “Seriously… you can’t miss it.”

Carl gazed after her as she went down the corridor, the clopping of her flats somehow far louder as it receded.  Only then did Audrey walk up to him. “Not bad for an old bachelor,” she said. The piebald male at her left gave a yawn that was equivalent to a grin. “Now see if you can seal the deal.” As she departed, what remained of the crowd gave a cheer.